so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
