You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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