How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
