It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
