Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
