dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
