Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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