I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
