I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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