Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
