well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
