i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
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