I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
