It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
