I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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