umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
