meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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