I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
