never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
