FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
