she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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