your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
