I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize