I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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