So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
