He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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