I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
