i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
