You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
