Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
