Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
