Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
