my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
this hospital has no fireball
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
