I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize