I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
