everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
