My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
