Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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