I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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