U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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