i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
