Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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