well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
