apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
