whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize