In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
