but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
