Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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