somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
