where am i from again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
