My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
