I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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