I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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