Screwed.edu
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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