You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize