I'm so fucking centered right now
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
