Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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