I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
