If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
