Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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