I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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