Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
