Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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