I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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