does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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