she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
