Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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