evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
