i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
