My Higher Power is John Stamos
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
