we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
