I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
