You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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