If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
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