Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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