You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
