8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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