you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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