I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
