Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
