Buhtt sex?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
