I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
