Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
