Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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