We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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