you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
