Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
