It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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