I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
