She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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