There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize