I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize