Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I showed him my bush... on skype.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
