She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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